Most of us have heard the term love language being used. But, do you know what this means? Do you know what your love language is? Do you know what your partner’s love language is? Do you know why this matters?
Your love language is basically how you prefer to give and receive love. It turns out that love languages are a big deal, because most of us are getting it wrong. Getting it wrong leads to miscommunication between partners, greater dissatisfaction with the relationship and more frequent conflict.
The concept of love languages was introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman; pastor, author, speaker and marriage and family counsellor. If you are unsure about Dr. Chapman’s credentials, it is worth noting that he has been married to his wife, Karolyn for over fifty years, which is a pretty good indication that he is getting something right.
I agree with Dr. Chapman’s sentiment that falling in love is easy, but staying in love is the challenge. Love languages have been divided into five distinct categories; acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts and quality time.
Let’s talk about acts of service. How often do you do something nice for your partner that you know that they would like. Often when we do something nice for others, we also feel good about ourselves this is a win-win.
Words of affirmation is about saying nice things to each other-who doesn’t like a good compliment. One kind word, can really go along way. Go ahead…compliment your partner and see what happens. Humans like to feel valued and appreciated. This one is easy.
Physical touch: There is a whole lot of research supporting the negative things that happen when mammals are deprived of physical touch. This may be difficult for those who crave less physical touch than their partners but when you hug or touch someone you love your brain releases oxytocin, which not only helps you relax but lowers anxiety and blood pressure.
Gifts: Of course it is nice to receive something special. But it is not only about the item we receive. It turns out that the thought behind the gift and the act of selecting the gift also solicits good feelings from our partners and boosts our feeling of affection towards them. Ever heard the old saying that it is better to give than to receive-research suggests that both make us feel good.
Quality time: Let’s not confuse time with quality time. Quality time refers to giving someone your undivided attention. This one is really important. Turn off the television, put away your phone and focus on your partner. There are some researchers who suggest that how we interact with our partners is the number one indication of if a relationship will last. Dismissing and ignoring our partners is a really fast way to end communication and likely your relationship.
By learning your partner’s love language and by informing your partner of your love language you will boost your overall satisfaction with your relationship. Why? It seems that partners who put thought and effort into communicating love and affection for each other on a regular basis are more likely to be happier. Happy couples stay together. I encourage each of you to learn your partner’s love languages and make a regular effort to incorporate these things into your daily routine. Your next fifty years just might depend on it.
2025 A Happier You Psychotherapy Services All Rights Reserved
Lisa Bell
Contact Me
